I was reading posts on FB and someone brought up the fact that they thought getting old would take longer. I thought about that because it's really true. We may imagine getting old when we are young but it always seems like it's something so far in the future that we don't need to think about it seriously. We won't grow OLD like many of our relatives...no way!
But, before we know it, we look in the mirror and don't recognize ourselves any more. It's a big shock to see that we are now one of those old people we really didn't think we would ever be. Gone is our youthful looks. Our skin is dry and starting to sag. We now are applying ointments to try to regain some of that youthful look or at least eliminate some of those damn wrinkles! It's a sad state of affairs.
Oh, we accept that there really is nothing we can do, no miracle vitamins we can take that will give us back the youth we once had. We regret the fact that time had betrayed us and taken our health, vitality and, for some, our ability to do many things that we once took for granted. For some, bending over becomes an issue. You end up buying a *grabber* to help you get things off of high shelves because you don't dare use a chair to stand on. You are just so scared of falling and hurting yourself. You also cannot bend over easily and need to kneel down now in order to pick up something you dropped....hence, the grabber thingy.
Some cannot put on any type of shoes unless they have help or they are the slip-on type. Others must use a cane to help them move from one place to another. Others are stuck in wheelchairs because they are overweight, need knee replacements or have a bad heart. Sometimes, it's all three. Then you have those of us that have developed Type 2 diabetes. I was overweight when that hit ME and, even losing most of that weight didn't help me. I am now a normal weight for my age and height but it just means that my diabetes is under control now. My A1C is very good (that's a special test that gives your average sugar level for the three months previous). Five is considered very good and mine runs between 4 and 5.
It makes you think....*IF I had realized that my old age would be like this, I would have taken better care of myself when I was young.* HA! HA! HA! Many times the things that plague us are genetic and it happens when your body starts serious aging. Nothing works as well as it did because it 's actually starting the process of our dying. Sad but true. The cells are not working as well or as efficiently as they did when we were young. But there is a bit of truth in our not trying to be healthy all the time.
Some....like the Beast....avoided going to the doctor like he should have. He didn't even go once a year. I would go twice a year and sometimes more. If I was injured for any reason, I went. It didn't stop my diabetes even though I was warned. But I was too busy raising kids, doing housework, keeping us fed and working full time. My sister, Cee, who lived nearby, often helped me out (Bless her heart) since the Beast did nothing except work. He hired someone to do our lawn rather than do it himself.
When the Beast had his first stroke (the major one), he actually should have died according to the doctors. He had a brain stem stroke and people who had those usually end up as vegetables or die. Doctors at the hospital where he was kept coming in to see him and look at the X-rays. They were all shocked that it was only his left side that was paralyzed. After a year of physical therapy, he was able to walk and move his left side, even though he had a second stroke six months later. Even now, he still is careless with his health. He doesn't take his high blood pressure pills every day. He is dragging his left leg more and more as time goes on. We are replacing his sneakers every three months because of how it wears. His shoes that he wears to church, we only have to replace every six or seven months.
He hates that he is no longer able to do many things that he could when he was younger. He knows that he is over 70 now but really hasn't come to terms with his age, like many of us. It's hard to think that there will be a time when we are no longer here. That we will no longer be able to show that we love our kids, grandkids and great-grandchildren. We wonder how they will remember us when we are no longer here. Will they have good memories of us? Will they miss us?
I've lost many relatives and friends already in my life. Some I loved dearly and I still mourn their loss. They have special places in my heart. Some died before their time. Others were old. Some died younger than *I* am and that's scary to me. How did this happen? How did I get old so fast? I don't remember signing up for this. My kids made me promise to outlive the Beast. I'm trying. I try very hard to take care of myself. I see my doctors regularly. I go for any tests they require. The Beast doesn't. He has recurring bladder cancer but hates to have the test required for the doctor to check for any signs. He's already had two surgeries for it (and luckily, they were able to remove the cancers without damage to the bladder....yet). He finally started going to have his skin cancers treated. But that was more for vanity than the fact that it worried him. When I told him he really COULD die from skin cancers, he poo-pooed the idea. I had to tell him that if it got into his blood steam, watch out!
When he started his FB page, he put up the picture of himself from HS. I laughed when I saw it. It was months before he posted one of himself as he is today but he photo shopped it a lot. It looks like he wishes he did....LOL.
At least mine is real and no photo shopping done on it. It's a picture of me with my granddaughter, Chewlee, that I had no intention of taking that day but Chewlee insisted she wanted a picture with me in it. So it's me....no makeup..no special clothes or anything. I look at it and I think...that's not the me that I feel in my heart. I am NOT that old person I see. I can't be!
I know I am not alone. No matter how much someone smiles and tries to say they are fine with growing old, in their hearts, they are much younger. But their bodies have betrayed them. It's a fact of life. We must accept it, unfortunately, but we don't have to let it rule our lives. We should do the things we want (and can still do). Travel. Dance. Take a walk in the rain. Play with a child. Have lunch with a friend. Make a bucket list of places you want to see and do. Then start doing them!
I travel to Chicago every year to meet up with girlfriends that I have known for over 53 years now. I will do it until I die. Or as long as there are some of us alive. I try to see some of my family while I am there when I can. If the Beast dies, I intend to do more traveling. I want to see more of my kids while I can. Since their lives are busy, it's up to me to go see them. I want to see my friends and laugh, have a few drinks together, eat a meal and just catch up on what's been going on in their lives while we are apart.
I would like to visit Hawaii and Australia. I want to go visit with my BFF in San Francisco. My cousin in Texas. Anothe girlfriend that lives in Houston. I have a bucket list I made up a while back and I was surprised at some of them. But I want to mark off all of them. Time flies but it won't stop me. Within the next month, my sister, Cee and I are making a trip to Central Illinois to go to a special dentist there to replace our dentures. His work is great and he's very inexpensive compared to here. But we will stop either on our way or coming back home to see my son, Mustachio and my granddaughter, Sheepie, and my son, Marcus and his wife, Raven. Hopefully, we will be able to spend at least a day with them.
So, here I am, bucket list on my desk and thinking, I hope time slows down a bit for me and doesn't whiz by like my life has up to this point. I wish it for all my friends and family. I wish the same for everyone that reads my blog. Love you all. Time to close. ***Hugs***
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