I kind of shared this (in a milder form) on Facebook and the Princess thought I shouldn't have shared it but it's only family and friends that check out FB. It's a real worry for me and she should have known that, don't you think? Anyway, after getting up a couple times last night with diarrhea, today the Beast started bleeding from *back there*. No more of the other stuff...just the feeling that he needed to go to the bathroom but all he did was some bleeding. At first, not too much. Later on, quite a bit more but then it stopped for a while. I tried to get him to go to emergency but he's decided it's from hemorrhoids (which he has never been told he has nor has he had this happen to him before). But I did get him to agree that if it happened again to him with more than a few drops, even if it was in the middle of the night, he would wake me and I would take him to emergency.
He's scheduled to see our regular doctor on Monday afternoon and he knows he has to tell him about this even if there's nothing more that happens. Today he has also had the pain in his right knee stop hurting him as it was for the past week and now it's his left (bad) leg that is killing him. I had to actually help him get to his feet when he sat down several times, it was THAT bad for him. He seems to be falling apart, right before my eyes. He's not even going to church tomorrow because he's feeling so bad. He knows he needs to try to rest (like I have been telling him all along but what do I know?).
Although I am really used to the idea that he thinks I am an idiot, there are times when it tries my patience to deal with him. He is his own worst enemy. He STILL doesn't take his medications every day like he's supposed to. He takes only two pills a day and he thinks that's too much. He should take all that *I* do and see what that's like! He sure does keep his inhaler for his COPD close to him, however. But then he doesn't have to swallow it. Just breathe it in and he is gasping for air when that happens (and afraid) so he uses THAT. He just doesn't seem to believe that his bp medication is not effective if he doesn't take it daily. It's not like his inhaler...effective immediately. It needs to be in his system all the time. He can't just take it when he feels his blood pressure is higher than it should be.
Sometimes, the blood pressure rises just BECAUSE he isn't taking it. But I'm an idiot. So I told him that if he ends up having another stroke, he goes to a nursing home because I am too old to deal with that shit with him again. He was NOT good for me and he was nice to everyone else and listened to them. Also, if he has a stroke (or heart attack), it would be his own fault. He knows I mean it, too.
I'm sorry if people think that's mean or heartless of me but I have put up with a lot of shit from him most of our married life. The year that it took him to recuperate from his strokes was NOT fun for me. He was downright ugly. He should never have taken out his frustrations on me nor should he have hated the fact that *I* was healthy at the time. He said some incredibly ugly things to me during that time. When he was finally able to drive again and do most of the things he could do before (except return to work), I was GLAD! There's nothing worse than taking care of someone who is ungrateful for all the extra effort it takes. I only expected him to be as cheerful around me as he seemed to always be around others. Not even cheerful...but not unpleasant. I WILL NOT do that again for him.
When I was ill and recovering from my major surgeries, I was ALWAYS pleasant and very grateful for all he did for me during that time. I tried NOT to be a big burden to him. I also thanked him for all he did. I truly WAS grateful because I didn't expect him to step up to the plate like he did. I was really floored, truth be told. He was never much in the way of compassionate or a caregiver in any way. So I treated him much better than he treated me. I even tried not to complain about the pain I was in. I took my medications and I didn't even expect him to change bandages or anything for me. I gritted my teeth when I had to stand and walk myself to the bathroom. The pain was enough to make me want to scream but I didn't. But I am woman and he is man. 'Nuff said. Sorry to vent. Part of it is my worry about the Beast when he isn't really worried for the same reason *I* am. I KNOW how serious this can be. He is just worried about ending up in the hospital when he HATES the idea. In fact, I worry about him NOT telling me if the bleeding gets worse because of that. He tries to tough those things out when the alternative is not an idea he wants to consider.
It was actually kind of a nice day otherwise. Our high was only 81 and it was overcast (but no more rain). In fact, the rain we DID get wasn't all that much the other day. So it wasn't even humid outside...or at least it didn't feel very humid. Whatever it was that caused that feeling, I didn't care. Earlier in the day, we sat out on the front porch stairs while Baron trotted around sniffing and doing his thing until he was ready to come back in.
Our lily plants in the front flowerbox have had buds on it for a couple weeks now but they finally started to open up. I told the Beast he needs to take some pictures. They are so pretty that I know he will when he is feeling better. I'll post them when he does.
Well, time to get this posted and try to get some sleep. Love you all. Be good. Hope your Sunday is better than mine will be. Nothing like the Beast laying around, moaning and groaning and asking me to get him this or that! I am NOT looking forward to that at all. *Sigh* ***Hugs*** to you all. Think of ME if you think YOU are having a bad day. I'll be happy to change places with you...LOL
HINT: Mix dried banana peels in with the soil the next time you plant something new. You'll give it the potassium and phosphorous it needs to grow beautifully.
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