Since I didn't sleep well last night and I think it was because I kind of overdid it (did too much, too soon), I took it easy today and just did what I absolutely needed to do. I don't want to stress myself and set my progress back. I'm just concentrating on regaining my strength before I have to make the rounds of all my doctors to see what's what with me.
As I was reading this report I got from the hospital, it really hit me how damn close I actually was to dying. It scared the crap out of me. No way am I ready. Is anyone, really? Maybe if you are in a great deal of pain and no way to get past it from some awful disease (this does not apply to YOU, Carol!!!) with no real cure. But I think most of us would not choose to close our eyes and let go of life. I have always told my kids that I wouldn't go without a lot of kicking and screaming....*I'm NOT ready! I'm NOT ready!* I was only half-joking. If only I didn't feel so much younger in my heart. I might be able to accept the fact that I really AM an old fart!
I still have things I want to do. Places I would like to visit. People I want to see again and visit. I have both old and new friends I would love to see and share a few laughs together. It's one of the reasons I try to make it to Chicago at the end of June every year to get together with friends I have had since high school. We may only see each other once a year for a day or two but it's like we saw each other just last week. I consider myself lucky to have more than one good friend like that after all these years. I think what surprised me was finding out that the girls think I am fun to be around. They like my (weird!) sense of humor. I guess that being around the Beast all the time has kind of robbed me of that realization about myself. I CAN be fun. I CAN be happy. I can be funny, too. But it takes being with good friends that love me the way I am. good and bad, before I CAN be myself!
My sister, Bratfink, has her bbf visiting with her as of today per her blog and I am so happy for her. She needs someone around that will make her laugh, see that she enjoys her days and even makes her WANT to be awake to visit. She enjoys the company. I think that works for both of them. They have also been friends (although they lost touch for many years) since middle school, I believe. She's had some awful problems with neuropathy in her feet AND her hands. I thought just having it in my feet was bad. Diabetes sucks, even if it IS under control. I've had great A1C readings for several years now and the doctor said (when he cut back my medication) that it was almost non-diabetic!
I'm up to 121 lbs. in weight now and don't have to wear a belt with my jeans...LOL. I was keeping my weight between 122 and 126 for quite a while but, wow!, did I lose weight in the hospital. But that's no real surprise with as sick as I was.
Can you believe it's 59 degrees outside at midnight? Tomorrow we will be up in the 70's...actually for the next four days our temps will be in the 70's before we hit Saturday and Sunday when the cold front should be hitting us. Then we will be lucky to hit the 50's during the day. Oh well.
I'm tired so I am going to get this posted, go to the bathroom and hit the sack. I didn't get a nap (again) today and I am feeling it now. I should have been in bed two hours ago....LOL.
Love you all. Have a wonderful day and a restful night. ***Hugs***
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