It was almost as bad as that phone call, late at night, that wakes you up and you immediately think, *Ut oh..this can't be good news!* And, sure enough, it isn't. I was on Facebook this afternoon and I got an IM from a cousin of mine that I haven't seen or spoken to in years. We just chatted about how many kids we had, how many grandkids, etc. She told me that she was shocked at the fact that I had GREAT-grandchildren since we are only a year apart in age. Her grandkids are still in high school and she said two of them had just gotten their driver's licenses. Then she dropped the bomb.....
I have an aunt that I dearly love. She is my mother's youngest sister and was my godmother also. Every year, on my birthday, she and her (now deceased) husband would take me out to dinner. I always ordered the fried shrimp once I believed they really meant it when they told me I was free to order anything I wanted. As one of seven children, I rarely went out to eat anything more exotic than a pizza and that was a big deal for us kids.
So, to be able to order ANYTHING I wanted was like a dream. They tried a couple times to get me to order a steak since that was definitely something we kids never saw but I had learned somewhere what fried shrimp tasted like and I loved it. So it was always the fried shrimp since that dinner was the only time all year that I got to eat it. That habit actually stuck with me even when I was older and married. Now my favorite is lobster but that's another story.
So my cousin tells me that she was talking to my aunt and drops the news that she's now under Hospice care. My heart skipped a beat when she said that my aunt asked her to say hello to me and that she sent her love. I knew my aunt had 3rd stage terminal breast cancer for the past couple of years. She had decided NOT to do radiation or take chemotherapy. She said (at the time) that she wasn't in any pain but she knew the effects of both and decided that it wasn't for her. She told me she had had a good life but she wanted to be able to visit with and enjoy her kids and grandkids. Since she was over 80 and still felt good, she spent a lot of time shopping and visiting. She was able to drive and not be dependent on anyone. She liked that and had faced the idea of dying.
Now, however, she is in a great deal of pain and *I* know that being under Hospice care means that her time on earth is coming to an end...and isn't all that far off now. If you saw her before this end stage, you would have been surprised to find out her age. She looked wonderful and much younger than being in her 80's. I had planned on seeing her when I went to Chicago in June for an annual get-together with some of the girls I went to high school with and hung out together. Some of them, like me, lived in other states and had to travel, have a place to stay while visiting and it was always held the last Saturday in June. They actually started planning it around the time that I was in Chicago for our Family Reunions.
This was the second year that I didn't make it due to health problems. Not a cough or cold type of thing but surgery. This year I ended up missing it due to appearing in the Emergency Room with a high fever and what I had suspected was appendicitis. Sure enough, I also had a UTI and the doctor told me he suspected all the problems were secondary to a hidden one so he was going to do a bit of exploring since he was going to be in my abdomen to remove the appendix. -
Sure enough, he found a large section of my colon that was dead. He suspected that was also the real reason I had IBS. I think he was right on that score since those episodes have completely stopped. I was fortunate that he removed what needed removing and stitched my colon back together afterward. When I was told (still groggy from the anesthesia), I immediately felt my abdomen to make sure I didn't have a colostomy bag. Phew! I didn't even mind not having any food for three days after the surgery to give the area a time to rest. I did, however, have several IV's for various reasons so I didn't suffer from dehydration, that's for sure!
All this occurred shortly before the reunion with the girls and the surgeon said he would let me know if I could travel when I came in to have the stitches removed. Both he and my regular doctor wouldn't give me clearance to travel by either car or air when that happened so I had to let the girls know I wouldn't be there this year. It was a major disappointment since I also got to visit with some of my family that still live in the greater Chicago area. That means suburbs......LOL. It also meant that my visit with my aunt was off, too.
I had planned on visiting with her as a surprise and take her out to either lunch or dinner. Now I can't even visit her in September. The girls had decided at this reunion that we would start to meet more than once a year due to the fact that we are dropping like flies! Not to be coarse or anything, but we are all getting older and we are losing some of the girls every year. We've been friends for over 50 years and still have a good time when we get together. Now it looks like I will be flying up for a funeral and that makes me incredibly sad. I love her dearly and the world will not be the same without her. I loved the way she laughed and the sound of her voice when we talked. She had the most cheerful sounding voice that I have ever heard. I can almost hear it when I think of her.
After talking with my cousin and telling her that I wanted her to pass along my love to my aunt, I spent an hour just throwing up. I was glad all I had in my stomach was pretty much just water. Nonetheless, it was not fun. But that's how upset I was and how saddened for missed opportunities. You should always, always remember to express your love to family and dear friends and hold them close to your heart. Life is short and you want them to remember you always said, *Love you!* as the last thing you say to them whether in person (accompanied by a big hug), on an instant message or speaking on the phone. But mean it because that is audible in your voice. Say it with a smile on your face. That can be heard in the timbre of your voice, too.
It's going to be another hot day tomorrow. We were in the upper 90's and might have hit triple digits but I stopped looking after 95 and that was at 10am. Not even close to the hottest part of the day. I hope to be able to call my aunt tomorrow to speak with her while I can. Say a little prayer for her, please, that her passing is peaceful and pain-free. Love you all. *** Many,many hugs***
NO HINT TODAY FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. Two tomorrow.
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