Tonight I drank the last of my Bailey's. Oh well....it lasted me from the week before Christmas until tonight. Of course, I only had some with my coffee but, oh lord! It tasted soooooo good! LOL!
I was catching up on some FB reading tonight and the Princess was complaining about my dear, sweet Chewlee being so independent and driving her nuts. She's almost 8 years old (well, in five months time) and I know how fast they grow up. I hate it but that's life. She is smart, pretty and has her own opinions on things. I adore her and have loved every minute of watching her learn and grow. I wish I had had both the time and patience when my own kids were growing up to enjoy them as much. I'm just grateful that they lived! For a while there, I wondered....seriously.
The Beast did nothing but terrorize them much like his own father had done to HIM. That puzzled me because I never, ever wanted to abuse my kids either physically or emotionally due to various things that had been done to ME. I swore I would never do that to MY kids. So why he would chose to do it to his kids just floored me. He hated the way I *coddled* the kids by protecting them. When he looked like he was going to abuse them physically, I would step between him and them and he would take it out on ME. But I figured I could take it but wasn't going to take the chance that he might seriously hurt them at all!
Later on, after a few years of the kids being gone and on their own, the Beast still took his frustrations out on me. I was seriously gathering evidence of our financial status for an attorney when he was struck down by his strokes. One of my sisters said to me...See? There really IS a God!
When he woke up in Intensive Care at the hospital and asked where he was and why he was there (a stroke is painless you have to realize), a black nurse there said, *You are here in the hospital because of the bad things in life that you did. It's God's way of punishing you.* When he told me that, I seriously tried to find the nurse that was on duty then. I wanted to hug her. But no one knew who it was (or so they said) but I would have dearly loved to let her know I thought she might have been there as part of God's plan. But it spelled the end of my divorce plans partly because he really needed me at the time, no matter how ugly he got from frustrations.
The rest of it was that I knew he would never be able to abuse me again. At least, not physically. I could take him and, as bad as I am right at this moment, I could still do it. He's lost much of his strength and now I have his *getting religion* that I can use on him. His minister would never put up with it and he would have hell to pay if he tried it.
The one thing I AM grateful for was that he never did any of the things he had done to the rest of the kids to the Princess. Not that he didn't hurt her heart a time or two but he was very good to her in comparison.
Nowadays they have an organization for women who have men that abuse them, especially financially. It's available at PurplePurse.com. If you know of anyone that needs this kind of help, please refer them to the site. It may save them from a lifetime of heartbreak and distress.
Got to go now. Love you all. Stay warm and dry. Just know that I have a loving family (kids, nieces and nephews, grandkids and great-grands plus my brothers and sisters and countless cousins) and am happy with my life for the most part. I will miss my Bailey's and coffee every night but I will live..LOL. Be happy, too, and I wish you all a healthy and happy New Year. ***Hugs***
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